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I decided then and there I was no longer going to be the yes-boy I had always been with her. I looked right in her cold grey eyes and said, “Give me some privacy.”She looked into my eyes long enough that I averted my gaze then she said, “Yes, of course,” and walked out closing the door behind her. I found that I had developed the habit of ejaculating once or twice a day and to not do so caused my testicles to ache. I was always careful so that my mother had no reason to notice. I was careful to do it either in the tub when I bathed, over the toilet, or in the morning when I had morning wood in my bed into a washcloth. I would be sure to wash the washcloth in the bathroom sink that morning. One Friday that fall mother did not come home at her usual time. She was still not home by the time for me to go to bed, so I did the usual things like checking that all the doors were locked, and all the lights were turned out. Then I went to bed. Sometime after I went to sleep, I heard my. That was fine. For her, there was nothing special about today. Thiswas a part of our normal routine, I guess.I looked over at the second roll I'd prepared. Should I?"Oh," the new girl moaned, "how do you get bread to come out like this?"I buried my head in a pillow quietly enough that she wouldn't notice. Icouldn't do this. I couldn't live knowing who this person used to be,even knowing that I'd helped her, improved her life. I still wanted usto stay close, and we would, but I wanted to remember too. Wanted tokeep Wally in my head so he could still exist in some way.But it would never work. I couldn't have both. If she stayed in mylife, she'd always remind me of Wally, and if she left then I would losethe bond. I'd made a mistake by even trying this in the first place.So I didn't have a choice.I silently lifted myself up, reached for the second roll, brought it tothe side of my head and, for the second time that afternoon, I killed myhusband.It felt weird. Like, when your.
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