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I was afraid that it was all a lie, or if it wasn't, then I was scared that I would screw it up and accidentally break whatever promises I was making.That was my real fear, maybe, that commitment I was trying to make. I hadn't committed myself to anyone, except Kyle, and he'd broken that the next day. Or maybe we both had. I was looking for a reason here too, I thought, with Jane, trying to find a reason to chicken out. And that made me wonder why I hadn't asked myself the simplest, most obvious question: Why did I need two girlfriends anyway? Why hadn't the thought of letting Julie go entered my mind at all? That was all I had to do, risk losing someone I might love in order to keep someone else I might love.It was the first understanding I had that love required sacrifice, like it couldn't exist without it. You had to give something up, it seemed, pay a price or it was worthless by definition. And that was almost mind boggling and made me wonder how anyone ever fell in love with. I sat to the side watching and could feel the sexual energy and tension in the room coming from my wife and Jeremy. It was exhilarating and energizing. Watching and listening to them, it was as if I was not in the room, I was rock hard. I watched as my wife and Jeremy got closer and closer to each other, and their faces drew near. I knew they would kiss but watching the build-up was agonizing for me as I silently sat. Then before they kissed, my wife sat up tossing her left leg over the top of Jeremy's lap. She moved up to sit and straddle Jeremy facing him while his hands immediately moved to start to rub her back. My wife was squirming around almost as if she was working on getting his cock up inside herself. However, at this point, they both remained clothed, so it was just grinding. There was some heavy kissing along with some soft moans and grunts, but otherwise, no words were being spoken. I watched as Jeremy's hands moved up inside my wife's oversized t-shirt, her bra was.
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