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I told her to forget it, and went about my business.I know, first hand, how she was feeling. Some years ago, about a month after my husband and I separated, a similar situation happened to me. My life was a chaotic mess at that time. I didn't have a job, and was worried about how I was going to raise two young children alone. It was a very stressful time, and I was sad, confused and very vulnerable.One night, in late fall, I needed to run some errands. I decided to go alone and had a local high school girl, who had watched my boys before, baby sit for me. I had finished my errands, and was on my way home, when my gas light came on. I pulled in to a nearby station and had the attendant pump forty five dollars worth of gas.After he pumped, and asked for payment, I realized that I had lost my wallet, with all of my cash and credit cards in it. He got very angry and accused me of trying to rip him off. I told him that it was an accident and I'd call a friend to come pay him. He said no,. .." Her voice is slow, hesitant and I turn to look at her.Her eyes are on my face, all big and dark, and she's chewing her lip, looking concerned. I feel that hard little ball bearing tremble and heat up, start to expand, but I shove it back together. I can't fall apart now. I've worked too hard to keep her."What's going on with you? Is- is it your mom?"And I laugh softly, because it's never been my mom. That's sort of what she's known for – not being anything. And I wish I could tell her – tell her that I love her, and that it's killing me. But I'm scared. And I know, I'm Sam Puckett and I'm not afraid of anything! But I'm scared of this. So it's easier to just look away and pretend things are fine. It's only bravery if you're scared to do it in the first place. And I've always been a coward.There's still blood in the studio when we go up to do iCarly. Messy smears that have been wiped up and then rushed away from. I never did live up to my promise to clean it up. Carly's eyes slide.
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