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I don’t know what time of night it was or how you got there, but I woke to your hands rubbing my stomach. My nighty was pulled up just enough for you hand to roam between my rib cage and panties. I could barely see in the dark room, but I knew it was you. Your hands were rough and I could still smell the oil on your hands. I knew you were clean, but you always smelled like the cars you worked on. You weren’t wearing a shirt and I thought I heard you sniff, like you were, or had been crying.“Daddy…” I started to say and sit up, worried about you. Scared that you were hurting, crying, afraid – not knowing what you were there for. Not knowing that I was the one I needed to be worried about.“Shhh…” You kept rubbing my belly. “Go back to sleep. I’m sorry I woke you.”“What’s wrong?”You just kept rubbing me, and kept crying, and I noticed something else. A sound I’d never heard before, but would become familiar with. “TickTickTick” is what it sounded like – a fast watch ticking in the. I drifted into a calm sleep as my heart slowed down, everything changed that day. ********************************************************************* By this point my friends thought I was barking. I spent all my time talking to this guy and truth me told I probably abandoned them for a while. All the while my feelings grew stronger and all the while everybody knew except me! Afterwards I asked my friends why they hadn’t said anything and they all said the same. They all thought I knew. They told me about the twinkle that would be in my eyes when I had spoken to him. The spring in my step when he’d called. Another conversation with James that I particularly remember is the one where he asked if we could meet up. I remember everything about this conversation, every little word and every little breath he took and how surprised I was that he asked. Neither of us had ever mentioned meeting up. Not that I wasn’t glad that he had. ‘Honey, I really need to see you,’ He said. ‘I really.
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