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“Not really. I have about ten hours of lectures a day. I can listen to two or three of them at a time. I might have to devote an hour at the end of every second day to pick up the slack.”She nodded. “That’s an hour at home that you could be using for other things,” she reminded me.“It’s an hour I could be studying with you and everyone else,” I said dismissively. “I’ll still have time on Saturdays for Kung Fu and to visit the hospital, Sundays for dance class and Monday and Thursday for cheer. Those are really my hobbies. Hanna plays video games more than I do. I only draw and paint for special occasions right now and I have no interest in most sports. The bedroom Olympics are the only thing I compete in regularly.”“Not as often as I’d have expected when I moved in,” she admitted with a smirk.I laughed. “Wait ‘til you’ve been away for a couple of weeks,” I warned her. “My new years resolution is to make you walk funny for the first week you’re back.”We all laughed about that and then. I don't know what made me think I could convince Howard to accept my taking a lover. But even so, I never expected him to simply shut me down. There was no compromise in his tone. It was delivered with such force that it caught me completely by surprise.I am unused to failure. I haven't experienced it very often and this came as a shock. I thought I was so well prepared. I was sure Howard would see that this was important to me and that he wouldn't deny me my need. He's never denied me anything I really wanted before. Why did he react so dramatically this time?I had to rethink my situation. I love Howard. I know I do. But I need some excitement in my life. I'm nearly fifty and I need this. I need someone to help me feel alive and desirable. God knows, Howard is a wonderful lover. He fills me so completely and he is so thoughtful with me. I couldn't ask for a more considerate husband. But ... I need more.I've really made a mess of this. I've alerted him to my intention. I've stupidly.
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