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Then he froze as he saw who was with the girl. It was Connie,his ex-wife.Nelson had never gone through the 'hate' stage with Connie as theirmarriage had collapsed nearly 20 years ago. In the years since he haddated a few times, but when he compared his new girlfriends with whathe had lost, they always came up short. And Nelson was not one tosettle for second best, after having had it all.Their marriage failed for one major reason. They both dearly wantedchildren, and were unable to have them. The doctors had determinedthat there were reasons on both sides. Connie had feminine issues thatmade her unable to conceive, while Nelson had an abnormally low spermcount, to the point where it would be a miracle for him to succeed inimpregnating anyone, no matter how fertile. The failure to havechildren had caused a rift in the pair. Nelson would have been happyto adopt, but Connie felt that adoption would have been an admissionto all that she was unable to conceive.That small wound festered,. As I grew older I discovered it to be anintimacy more satisfying than having sex with them.But parallel to that, and always present, was an intense sense ofembarrassment at what I was doing. It was not normal for a boy to dressin womens clothes - and especially to gain sexual satisfaction from it.So as I masturbated into my pantyhose enjoying the bizarre,androgynously feminine image in the mirror before me, I often thought ofgirls I longed for and what the boys at my school would think, say anddo if they saw or knew about this - the shame and humiliation; thetaunts of "sissy", "queer", and "faggot" would scroll through my mind asa I luxuriated in the feel and look of my pantyhose, heels, panties, andskirts, working myself to a fever pitch of arousal. I also began toexperiment with light bondage, emulating images of damsels in distressthat I would often see on afternoon television. The feeling ofhelplessness and vulnerability enhanced the feeling of femininity. Inlater life, I also.
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