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Then I moved into a reflective frame of mind and wondered about what had just happened. A sudden cooling sensation made me realize that the bath towel was drenched. ‘How can this be?’ I asked aloud. ‘What did you do differently?’ I asked. Todd told me he had changed nothing. ‘It is you who are different,’ he replied. Yes, tonight was different. Suddenly, I realized that I had tapped into some natural instinct of raw sexuality that had been outside of my comfort zone. It happened in sync with writing the script for Angie, my confession to Todd, his positive reviews, and his sharing of a personal secret. Letting go of my fear of putting pornographic words into electronic print broke down a subconscious barrier. This breakthrough allowed some new natural instinct to kick in. ‘Maybe women enter into a new prime at this time of life,’ I teased. Yet, now I began to wonder. I had experienced arousal directly from both engaging in and reading my own erotic writing. But something more was. I am not one of those black folks who blame all their problems on white people. I am an educated young black man. I take responsibilities for my own actions. I have white male and white female friends. I am not prejudiced. I know that all of humanity is flawed. But I also find it unfair that white men bear the brunt of the trauma when it comes to being branded a racist. Many white women you see everyday hate the black men and black women they run into at work, in their neighborhood, at the park, at the mall or anywhere else. It’s unrealistic to think every white man is a potential racist but every white woman is a pure radiant saint who loves minorities and wouldn’t stoop to being a bigot. Bigotry is everywhere. There are blacks who hate whites. That’s bigotry. There are women who hate men. That’s bigotry. There are straight folks who hate gay people. That’s bigotry. Bigotry is a part of the human experience. You just cannot expect everyone to like you. The kind of bigotry I’ve run.
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