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Any calves younger than that I will throw in free if you buy the mother.”“How big is your herd?”“I don’t know. I had to hire Portman when my original manager moved on. I took him at his word. And I didn’t check him out. There wasn’t a roundup last year because he claimed it wasn’t necessary. I just didn’t know anything about cattle ranching and that is why I’m in such a mess with a starving herd of cattle. I think you are beginning to realize that I am no cattleman.”“Maybe, but you can learn. Why did you take up ranching in the first place?”“I had money to invest from some mines I sold. Some of my friends were making fortunes in cattle. When the railroad gets here, markets can be reached on both coasts. I set out to hire men who knew how to raise cattle. I lost my last foreman when he went back east. The cattle industry has expanded so fast with the advent of the railroad, it has used up all those men who have experience in cattle ranching. Unfortunately, I didn’t choose hands who. “Get out here, we can row you to safety!”, they directed.“Naw, I’m putting my trust in The Lord! Go save somebody who does not have The Lord protecting them!”Soon, the guy retreated into his attic, and, soon after, knocked a hole in his roof and retreated from the rising waters onto his roof. The Coast Guard had a chopper patrolling, saw the guy, and hovered overhead. “Tie yourself into the rope! We can pull you to safety!”, they ordered.The guy waved them off. “I have The Lord! I’ll be OK!”The Coast Guard flew off.Shortly, the waters pushed the house off it’s foundations, it collapsed, crushing and killing the guy.So, there he was, seated on the bench outside The Pearly Gates, bitching and moaning. “Dammit, I put my faith in The Lord, and He abandoned me! I trusted Him, and now look at me! Sunuvabitch!”St. Peter was strolling in, early to start his workday. He overheard the guy, set his coffee down, and approached him. “Excuse, me, aren’t you the guy who drowned when his house.
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