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You don't know what it'slike, having to be there every damn day." I'm exaggerating quite a lotbut the pressure has been nagging at me for some time. Wanting dailysex and being forced to have daily sex are two separate things."Sorry, Anthony, I can't help you."Bullshit! She ain't sorry and she could help me if she wanted, butit's clear I won't be getting any useful solutions from her tonight."Fine Doc, guess I'll have to think of something else." Good luck with that," she says with a smirk. She doesn't think I cando it, come up with an answer to my problem. Screw her! I leave thehouse, semi-slamming the door behind me. Looks like she won't begetting any more tapes for a while, technical difficulties you know. * * ** * ** * ** * *I've been thinking about it for three days but still nothing. I don'tsee any way to get Honey through more than forty eight hours withoutsex with me. She's only gone about thirty hours a few times and thosewere for the post Super Bowl parties for the. It’s not his fault. But I feel now defiled; not by his stealthy little fuck in the morning but by his feeling guilty, by his conviction that sex is dirty and that I am unclean, soiled by sex and soiling him.”Helen told me the above only late in the year, with our parting drawing day by day closer. I was sorry that our so wonderful, sexually so fulfilled and rewarding affair would end. I was relieved that Erika had suspected nothing. I also believed that my affair with Helen had not changed our marital relationship for the worse. I had no wish to confess my trespass and inflict hurt.However, listening to Helen’s description of her marriage made me feel very uneasy about its future.At first, I had not taken Helen’s claim that Rilke’s Der Panther and my reading and suggestive interpretation had led her into our affair as fully serious. I had tried to explain in class, in general terms, how Rilke’s poetry transforms the cage from a passive means of housing the animal into an active force.
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