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It was the difference that might eventually lead me to suicide. But if I could win through,then it would be over. The conflict within had found another reason to fight.Deep down, the child part of me didn't give a shit about much, other thenherself. Two outlooks on life. Two ways of seeing things. Both seeking anend. The child backed off oftentimes when she didn't understand. The adult would try to explain the confusion. Both a yes and a no answer for just abouteverything. But there was that general agreement with what people said about me,especially my mother and the psychologists. I had a way of answering "Yes" without thinking. When they asked a question, I saw where it was leading, and Igenerally agreed. After all, I still had a lot to learn, right?Load Program.Run Program.In this manner, I started to lay aside my heart. Some part of mind and heartrebelled for the need to lay the truth flat out. The box wasn't quiteas sealed as I thought. I'd chosen power over grace. As with. After he had gone I began to enjoy the surroundings, he had a beautiful home, full of all the latests gadgets and a huge TV, which was just fine by me.I made myself another Cappuccino and my eye caught the clock as it played a little chime, telling me it had gone 7am.I carried my coffee back into the bedroom and opened my small carry case, reached in, and pulled a few things out, including my Lelo vibrator, a sex toy to die for, I was 27 and used it almost daily, since there were no men currently in my life.I could hear a buzzing and ringing sound, and wondered what it could be, maybe something in the kitchen, warning me to switch it off.I was nude when I reached for the dressing gown I had borrowed from my brother, threw it on and made my way back into the kitchen via the living room.As I passed the dining table I heard the noise coming from his computer, which was lying on the table, with the lid closed. I sat down and opened the lid, it was an Apple type computer with a very high.
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