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. self-awareness I'm experiencing. Like, I am an entity, a whole, stand-alone person. I used to think of Ethan as a piece of me. An extension of self that I needed; but now I think I felt that way because it wasn't Ok for me to want things. Like, I only ever deserved what I needed. Not anymore. Almost overnight I feel -- quite comfortably -- that it's totally fine for me to want things. And absolutly to be expected that I should get what I want.Speaking of things I want; Hayden (god his name is so fucking stupid I hate to even write it) finally came back to work today after being gone for three days. I don't flatter myself that it was the pain of my rejection keeping him away, I'm sure it was just the awkwardness. I have a feeling that if he wasn't so new, and this place wasn't such a fantastic resume-entry for him, that he would have quit over it and gone somewhere else.I walked past his desk intentionally a few times just to watch him squirm. I think he went shopping to make himself. I lifted into the air and soared down the slope. Lights gathered to me, the green enhancement spirits bobbed around me. They swirled into a sheath of emerald, drawn by my desperation. I rushed closer and closer to Zanyia.She lay still. Unmoving.Purple burst around me, engulfing the horde of enhancement spirits at her body, biting my lower lip. She couldn’t be dead, too. Her playful antics danced through my thoughts. She lived with her emotions, embracing them. She didn’t hide them. She lived to its fullest.“Zanyia!” I cried out, hurtling down towards her in the wake of the healing spirits.The purple engulfed Zanyia. The enhancement spirits, eager to please my will, plunged into Zanyia’s body. Dozens and dozens of them filled her. A spasm raced through her body. Her back arched. Her singed tail twitched. The crisping black covering her skin retreated. Pale flesh swept across her skin, growing pink and alive.I landed beside her, tears spilling down my cheeks. “Zanyia!”The cat-girl’s.
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