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He tells the priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the ever-living crap out of a flag burning, Cop hating, Jihadist.”The priest says, “My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.”✧ ✧ ✧Compliments of a Friend of J & G.Vive la differenceBookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?” The woman replied, “My husband’s checkbook!!”A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’” Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What’s the secret?” Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.”Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription ... Simply showing marriage certificate and your wife’s picture is not enough!For MEN and WOMEN with a bit of. . almost helpless in my arms. “Hey hey its OK please stop crying. I’m here. I can’t take sides, but you’re still my Grandma who I love so much,” I comforted her. “Do you Mick?” she tried to smile up at me, her 59 year old face lined with running tears. I nodded and pecked at her lips. Gran pecked back and I pecked her again and she kissed me on my lips and then my cheek. I rubbed her shoulders and down her back suddenly feeling there were no bra straps ... wow! I swayed to and fro, hugging her as she sighed, then her head wobbled slightly as if to settle more comfortably and another huge shuddering sigh escaped Gran’s lips.I felt her other arm encircle my waist and pat my back, but she had trapped my arm across my thigh. I tried to release it and my fingers seemed to seek out the waist band of her skirt. She tried to help, but my hand slid across Gran’s nipples which were stout solid and thimble like. The bit that puzzled me at the time, was that she never wavered or tried to move.
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