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That would only inflict more pain on the people around me, and would not fulfil my ambition. Instead I sat there, a knife in my hand, poised over the tip of my penis. That would solve all my problems, if that prophetic phallus were ridded from my groin. There were storied of people being given the sex of their choice when genitalia injured occurred. Then I could live the life I wanted to in peace, without bothering anyone.I lifted the knife above and closed my eyes. I could feel tears welling up inside of them. Questions penetrated my mind. How much would it hurt? How long before the bleeding subsided? What would my mother say? Would she allow me to be a girl? It was at this thought that I threw down my knife in tears. I shrouded my body in my covered and sat there whimpering, eventually crying myself to sleep, my head bedded in my pillow.That episode was permanent, had I gone through with it. Did I want a permanent change? The answer to that was simply yes. So I stand here now, now. I can’t tell if he’s happy or just so surprised that he hasn’t composed himself enough to yell at me that I’m crazy and I need to get the hell out of his bar. He turns around and walks away wordlessly. My heart sinks and I just know he is going to escort me out as he comes around the bar towards me. He walks straight past me without saying a word and the only sound I hear is the front door locking. I smile with satisfaction knowing without a doubt exactly what’s about to happen. I stand still, my back toward him just waiting with anticipation to see what he is going to do. I hear him walk up behind me and I can feel his hot breath against the back of my neck. He is breathing deeply, heavily almost as if he wants to breathe in every bit of me. I close my eyes and savor the sensation of not knowing what’s coming next. He slips his hands around my waist and caresses my stomach, sliding them slowly up over my breasts. He pushes his hips against my ass and I can feel his.
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