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Someone to love. She apologized for not being able to loveme the way I deserved."I deserved better, she told me. She wouldn't blame me, she said, unlessI chose to spend the rest of my life alone."But it's still too fresh. I've had good days and bad days, but the baddays are so hard. Sometimes it hurts so bad it feels like someone pulledmy heart from my chest and is crushing it to nothing...."Tamara gently reached over and placed her hand on his shoulder andpulled the small figure into her as little sobbing gasps escaped herlips. She really didn't know what to say, but ultimately decided thatshe didn't need to say anything. There the two women sat, lit by theiridescent glow of the hot tub, each lost in their thoughts.Eventually, the words came to Tamara. "She sounds like a noble andloving woman, Isabelle. I'm sure your life is richer for having met her,even if it does hurt right now."Despite the grief, it finally occurred to him that he'd told the storyfrom the perspective of a man.. These can scale from almost unnoticeable slight pauses to severe stuttering to jumbled sentence structure to absolute muteness. I run the entire spectrum though absolute muteness is somewhat rare with me. Now there are soft transitions where the speaker may feel a slight pressure before or as or after the transition occur. Then there are hard transitions that are very painful. Transitions being neurological in nature can also trigger panic attacks like PTSD. For me, the panic attacks are a problem. Panic attacks trigger the fight or flight response. When I’m afraid of something I kill it. If it’s dead it can’t hurt me. So during a panic attack anything I interpret as aggressive is a direct and immediate threat to my survival. I am a trained fighter. I never had these attacks before my illness.One day my wife raised her voice to me in an angry tone when my back was turned and startled me. I almost attacked her. In over twenty years of marriage I have NEVER raised my hand to her. That.
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