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I knew Jimmy must be desperate if he was willing to let me tag along. There was one problem. Jimmy said the cost of the ticket and hotel room was seven hundred fifty dollars and that I would also have to buy my own plane ticket. After doing some research the total came to a little over one thousand dollars. I just didn’t have that kind of money. I ate as many meals as I could at work to save money. Unfortunately, bar food doesn’t help you lose weight and I was now close to one hundred and sixty pounds. At home I rarely ate, instead opting for pills, booze, and cigarettes to keep me distracted from wanting to eat. My smoke breaks sometimes involved Javier who would see me outside during his nighttime walks while his wife was at work. Most of the time we’d just smoke and chat but twice I found myself kneeling at the foot of my bed giving him blow jobs once again. I’m not even sure why. Perhaps it was loneliness. Perhaps it was how horny I got at times. Or perhaps it was. Well, that only leaves dinner then. Can you do that?"He shook his head and looked at the ground. "As long as I'm working for your mother, I'm not allowed to be socially involved with you. It's stepping across a forbidden line. Perhaps later when you're not my employer's child. I'm sorry, Sarah."It took a few seconds for it to soak in that I was being snubbed. "I see. Well, I can take a hint. Just forget I even asked, Miguel. I guess you'd better get on with your work, right?" I walked through the patio doors into the house and pulled the drapes.I had to apologize to the therapist for snapping at her every time I felt a little pain. I tried to explain that I was upset about something else and finally asked if we could cut the session short and pick it up the next day.Still in a major sulk when Mom called to check on how the work was going, I said, "I really don't know and I don't much care." And what does that mean, Sarah?" It means I haven't looked outside or spoken to that Mexican.
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