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After you leave I just sit on my bed staring at the wall in front of me. It seems as if it was only yesterday that I was sitting in the living room talking to him. Now I would never get the chance to tell him everything that needed to be said. I clutch my pillow tight to my body squeezing as if it were him. Tears roll down my face. Lying myself back down against the pillows I cried myself to sleep. The next morning I wake up praying that last night had just been a terrible nightmare but knowing damn well it had not been. My baby cousin was truly gone. The young man I considered my brother from the very start was dead and I would never get to see him again. For the next few days, it felt as if I was walking around in a complete trance. Just going through the motions. Yes I was physically there but mentally I had completely checked out. There were times when I wished I could just curl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and just stay there. The day of the wake was also the day. Whatever. But you should know this...you're much more beautiful than your mother ever was on her best day. She just...tries too hard."He couldn't be serious, but she wanted to believe he was. Now her breath was becoming strained."Take off your panties," he urged softly.She was painfully aware of his gaze rolling over the treacherous geography of her breasts, but the thought of him seeing the shaven pout of her pussy was terrifying in a way that made her lips feel thick and sodden."Go ahead. Show me."As much as she wanted to plead with him not to make her reveal the pussy she couldn't imagine anyone thinking beautiful, she wanted just as much to peel them off and demolish him. She wanted to eradicate whatever dim memories of her mother were left in his mind and blot them out with ripe, vivid images of herself. She wasn't her mother. She never would be.She was nothing but herself - a tiny thing floating in the shapeless muck of a broken world.With trembling hands, she took hold of the.
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