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I was suddenly very tired; perhaps the excitement of the day was catching up with me. My heightened state of awareness and alertness must also be taking something out of me and I knew it was time to hit the sack.I decided to try a little trick I had used successfully in the past. If I had a problem I was trying to work out, or if I wanted to wake up at a certain time in the morning, I could repeat the problem or time over and over in my head before I fell asleep and invariably I would wake up in the morning at the right time or with an answer to the problem in my head. I think my unconscious brain was able to remain processing despite the fact I was asleep. This had been really helpful over the years and I thought that I might try and use it now to condition myself to the circumstances I might find myself in. As I crawled into my sleeping bag I began to repeat certain phrases over and over inside my head."I need to be tougher to survive here. Death is going to be more common here, get. Every touch is making you hornier. You know where this is going to lead. Let’s go ahead and get there, you think. After the song ends, you excuse yourself to visit the ladies room. You stumble slightly on your way there and realize you had way too much to drink. You spot a pay phone on the way and decide to go through with it. You call home, saying you’re too drunk to drive, so you’re going to spend the night at a friend’s. Have a good time, your husband says, and that is that. In the bathroom, you take care of business and check yourself in the mirror. Focusing seems a bit difficult and your smile at yourself. Yep. Definitely buzzing. Winding your way back to our table, you grab the waiter and order a round of Sambucca. I laugh. ‘I remember what you told me about that stuff… And how it affects you’ The waiter returns with a bottle of ‘bucca and two chilled glasses. Before you know it, two shots have burned down your throat. When the bottle is empty and both of us feeling no pain, I.
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