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In the few times I have been at his feet since his return, I have been painfully reminded that I have failed in this endeavor. His existence as the driving force in my life still remains and dominates all others. He is the Master of my love, of each beat of my heart, of every breath that I take. And he knows it. He has, in both words spoken and not, pointed out to me all the things I have allowed to creep back into my way of life since his departure. I have both cringed at wept at the girl I have presented to him now after our countless hours together. I have allowed myself to get swept away by those I have surrounded myself instead of holding true to all that he taught me. My shame is great. He says that he does not hold me responsible for the changes he has noticed and I am sure there will be more that become apparent to his unwavering gaze. He knows me like no other and the more time I spend with him, the more I reveal, without even knowing, of how I have let myself go once he was. Mother's eyes snapped open and her head returned to the upright position, her surprise at my retreat obvious. Was she disappointed as well?My hands trailed slowly southward, across the small soft roll of flesh marked with the lines of childbirth and age. She did not look at me, but at my hands - her nervousness quickly returning.But the hands slide to the sides before reaching her lap, touching her firmly on her upper outer thigh. The black satin slip cool to the touch, the nylon beneath obvious. My fingers began to pull the loose light fabric up those full soft thighs.Mother had looked at me throughout this evening with love and pride. Showing the first real happiness that I have seen in her since I was a middle teenager. She had been touching me constantly - holding my hand walking from the car to the restaurant, my arm about her waist waiting to be seated at our table, sitting with our knees touching at the tiny intimate round table, and on the dance floor both of us using our.
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