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Our families and teachers pitted us against each other in all forms of academics.One would win one contest; another would win the next and so on. John and I had a tug-of-war over a girl named Linda. Neither of us won her but she certainly had a good time playing us against each other.I did have my first in a lifetime love at this time. Her name was Carol. I dated her a long time in high school and we would make out and cuddle. She was the first girl I ever touched as a "girl". It happened at the movie theater and I was scared shitless. Once I got my arm around her, I didn't know what else to do and left it there so long my arm was numb when the movie was over.To show what a naïve kid I was back then, I wrote this god awful poem about my love for her. It was probably the worst writing of my entire life. It's a wonder she didn't vomit reading it.I remember one night we went to the drive-in and somewhere in our making out, her belt broke. No — I never had sex with her. She was too. And then that stupid hurricane had come along and ruined it once and for all. It occurred to her that shortening it to Kat made a huge difference. Kat was short, sharp, decisive; that was what she wanted to be called from now on.Second, she decided that the guilty feelings she had been having over her recent sexual adventures were stupid. She had long realized the hypocrisy of the town’s value system, which talked a good game about abstinence and saving yourself for marriage, but in practice turned a blind eye to certain kinds of premarital sex — like that between cheerleaders and their football player or other high-status boyfriends. It was tacitly recognized, though never of course spoken, that no teenage girl could hold on to a guy like that without giving it up to him.It all seemed like a big lie to her now, and she felt with the clear certainty of the young that her ongoing lesbian explorations were nobody’s business; nothing that felt so incredibly good could be wrong. From now.
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