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“Oh god, now what?” I asked and went to withdraw but she held me tightly to prevent it.“Say “Good Day” I suppose,” she replied.“Emily!” the voice bellowed, “I said woo the boody bloke not fuck he’s brain out.”Her father came in sight, a broad shouldered stout thickset man in a moleskin waistcoat and heavy blue overcoat cut in a style which has never and will never be in any way of the modern style.“Sorry father,” she said.“Good day Mr Loveridge,” I opined as I looked up at her father.“Bloody good day for thee, rogering me daughter,” he agreed, “Ee she could earn a bloody fortune down whore house but her mother wants a title for her see.”“So I understand,” I agreed.“So will thee make her an offer or shall I blow thee brains out with me pistol?” he asked as he brandished a shiny new revolving chamber pistol.“Can I think about it?” I asked.“I’ll count to ten,” he said, “One.”“Might be a good idea to load a few bullets first?” I suggested.“Oh, aye new fanged gadgets, rather have a flint. I got my cam belt on and did battle with the belt cover fixing bolts. Bare arms smeared with oil. Sweating profusely I battled on until I had used all the bolts up. I finished up. The engine ran. I had my freedom back. It goes then? my father enquired. Seems like it, I agreed. Ill get cleaned up. I took a shower and wandered up to the manor, caterers were scuttling around, a boy band was doing a sound check and a group of very fit black guys were chatting around the back of the marquee. How do, I said in my best village idiot voice, Whats going off then lads? Thought it was a five thirty, turns out its a nine thirty, one of them said. Dancers, Strippers? I asked. Yeah something like that, do you want to do one before you really annoy us? he suggested. Have a nice day, I said, Just the one then die I muttered. Hansen, Lord H called when he saw me, Bugger off theres a good chap, invitation only, dont want riff raff gate crashing. Just offering to help, I explained, Ill get off home.
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