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And they were out of stock so they stuck them with some seconds?" To each their own," Mom added, "but me, I'm not so sure about this coffin business." Definitely not open," Ashley added. "Why don't they just tuck a $10,000 bill in your pocket and skip the box? When I even begin to suspect my time is drawing nigh, I'm hopping in that old oven under my own steam. Skip the pine box too. I don't want some pissed off tree chasing me around in the afterlife." That's right!" Mom asserted. "Even if it's not legal," Ashley agreed.At the cemetery we had to accompany the coffin, but this time it was placed on a motorized vehicle. I wanted to jump aboard and commandeer the controls, go for a wild and bumpy ride. As a working man I'd been given this nifty pair of super thin grey cotton gloves that I thought would be perfect for my future dual career as assassin/thief. But then the scary men in the funny suits made me toss them atop the coffin with the other five pairs. The big mound of dirt. I mean it.”Her eyes were as big as dinner plates as she finally realized that I was serious and intended to do exactly what I said I wanted to do for her. “But ... I’ve ... I don’t ... I can’t afford ... you don’t want to buy ... But... “Why???”“Because you are special and I want you to be as happy as you can be. If a new SUV helps make you happy, then we will go buy it for you. If you ask again, the answer is, ‘Because it made me happy. That’s why.’” It took some time but Ann Marie finally accepted what I said at face value and we drifted off to sleep cuddled like small puppies.The morning brought a big room service breakfast that we dawdled over for almost two hours. The babies were bathed, fed and dressed and we headed off for Car Row, which turned out to be about a black down the road from the Marriott.The salesman who met us seemed to want to be anywhere but helping two folks on a hot summer morning, so I sent him away and demanded to see the sales manager. When he appeared I.
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