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She suggested we pay foreverything and stow them in the car before lunch.On the way to the check out, I saw a display of Christmas-themedsweatshirts. I know they're unbelievably tacky, with their sewn oncartoons and bells, but they absolutely scream housewife and mother. Haveyou ever known a middle-aged woman who doesn't have at least one of thesetacky seasonal sweat shirts?"You like those. Don't you?" Mom asked as I caressed the sleeve of one.It was bright red with a reindeer cartoon sewn on the front with a jinglebell on its nose."It's kind of embarrassing, but yes. I love it," I said. "It reminds meof you at Christmas."Mom smiled warmly. "So you wouldn't be embarrassed to run around townwith it on? With that bell dangling and jingling from your breasts,people would hear you for miles around," she said."I know," I said excitedly. "Wouldn't that be cool?" Yes, it would be," she replied as she found the same sweater in my sizeand handed it to me. "Now you can look like a Christmas. I can't tell you how much I wish I could be there with you allin person and not just this letter. I will promise you if there is a wayI can be there when they give this to you I will be. I know how hard thiswill be for you, only because how hard it was for me to make my own peacewith them. Promise me that you'll try though, and you better promise, I'mdead serious. You all need each other, a lot more than any of you arewilling to admit.I want you to know holding on to that anger only hurts you, and I loveyou too much for you to keep hurting Sis. I'm not saying it was to blame,but that anger had slowly poisoned me for years, it easily could havehelped the cancer spread through my body as fast as it did. You deserveso much to be free, and even with being sick, no matter what happens tome I am truly free now. Even with the pain, I am already at peace justknowing I did everything I could to help you while I was alive. I willhopefully continue even though now I'm gone.I also cant tell you.
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