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One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, “Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!”Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.”Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night.”Kid 1: “As if.”Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.”Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.”Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes. Doing that, I love it when she arches her legs so that I have access to both her pussy and her asshole -- and she in turns loves it when I alternate back and forth between them or use a finger in one, mouth/tongue/lips on the other. As I also love oral anal stimulation, we sometimes get into a spooning position on our sides so she can lick and tongue my asshole with her hand on my cock. I can reach behind me and play with her titties, which she loves. So, it's a full sex life, just no fucking.To compensate for not being able to have intercourse, a couple years ago she relented from a long-time prohibition on my watching porn videos online. (When I was very young and had no girlfriend, I used to use porn mags as visual aids for masturbation; videos are the modern equivalent and far superior.) She'd never been into them herself, but when I told her I thought it might help me get turned on she agreed -- and now she enjoys them, too. Her only rule is that we have to watch them together.
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