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. when we..." Were you under the impression that I was going into your bedroom tonight, Wanda? I asked, looking up at her and watching her nod her head."Did you think we would have sex?" I tried to make my voice sound calm, keeping the question non-accusing."Uh huh," she grunted, her voice barely audible."We'll see," I said, standing and reaching for the bottom of her sweatshirt. She raised her arms over her head so I could remove the garment. Her bra was black too but I didn't remark about it."It's old. I sleep in it sometimes," she said to explain the color of her bra.She knew I was coming tonight but yet she wore black undergarments. Did she want me to scold her? I decided to try a new tack."Its okay, Wanda, I don't mind if you wear black." As long as I don't wear it in public?" You can wear it in public. I really don't care." You don't care? Don't you care about me, Sammy? Aren't you going to tell me what to wear anymore?" There was desperation in her voice that made me look up.. . the reality of our actions now taking its toll on me. I was ashamed and embarrassed, but most of all, a gut wrenching dread fell over me. I had just committed a crime that I could never take back... My innocence was forever gone... But most of all, I was now, admittedly, an unfit parent, an unfit mother. I would have to fake it... how could I ever be real... Rachel moved out from under me. I couldn't look at her. I lay on the sofa with my face buried in the cushions. I could only hope I would wake up from a bad dream."That was great Mrs J." she said in her little girl voice. "You know what? This like makes you my bitch now, don't it. Weird huh... Megan's mother being my bitch. Are you going to be my bitch Mrs J.?"This additional humiliation only served to create another flutter of excitement deep down in my gut."How about it Mrs J... you're my new bitch, right?"I didn't want to answer her. I had to hang onto a little dignity... after all, I was the adult! But I did answer... telling.
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