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I needed to be honest with John. I knew he’d understand. I called him and asked him to meet me. We met halfway between our locations. This time he got in my truck. He thought we’d be going somewhere to finish what was started the other day. John had no idea what was really on my mind. “I need to talk to you.” I saw the color drain from his face in disappointment, almost like he knew what would follow. “I can’t talk to anyone else, but I have to admit, I’m on the fence about being with you. It’s literally 50/50. One minute I want to and the next I don’t think I can. I’m not sure what to do.” John sighed. I felt bad for disappointing him after many months of virtual foreplay. “I do understand.” He went on to advise me and remind me about what I wasn’t getting. Then he said the one thing that I didn’t realize would help. “I already have the room reserved. Please come. If you get there and you realize you can’t do anything, that is ok.” He reminded me of our long history and the. ”“So you had a good time?”“Yeah. It was super fun,” I said, noticing now how hot my face felt. I wiped my sleeve on my forehead and there was a wet spot where my sweat had come off.“Then where is this coming from?” he asked, putting his hand on my knee.“I-I don’t know. You said you ‘wanted to talk’ and that’s always kind of a scary phrase and then you said it was about Dion and I don’t know how many girls let their boyfriend’s best friend cum inside them, but I did and I just didn’t-”“Baby, baby, baby, caaalm down,” he said, putting both hands gently on my shoulders and looking me square in the eyes. That piercing blue took hold of me, despite my discomfort. “I’m sorry if I worried you, this isn’t about that at all.”“What is it about then?”“I just wanted to say… well, I noticed Dion was able to… well, he could go to town on you in a way that I can’t because of my size,” he said, looking suddenly self conscious.“You are hung like a racehorse, this is true,” I said. It was an honest.
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