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And from what I've seen, I think they are telling the truth.I've told you that I used to intend to wait until I was married to my boyfriend before having sex with him, but it's becoming more and more difficult to wait when I'm not even engaged. If he'd already asked me, and if I knew that I was to be married in a few weeks or months, I think I could wait. But I just don't know when my marriage will happen. And because sex is on my mind all the time, I seem to see sex everywhere.Perhaps it was a mistake going to the Christmas party, because what I saw and heard there last night just made me want to give in to my boyfriend right away.So much so that I have telephoned him this morning - I couldn't help it. I hope he doesn't think I'm a cheap girl, offering up my puki to him. But I really want to see him again and let him lead me gently towards having sex with him. Even if I'm still nervous of letting go, I seem to be led onwards all the time. I just don't seem to be in control of myself. “My apologies, but I carry a great lethargy, young Bess,” continued Kate, regaining her self control. “‘tis the sum total of much pain and loneliness. For many hundreds of years I have stood apart from humanity and watched it struggle. For all of those many years I have helplessly observed, an indifferent sentinel, neither helping nor hindering. Now, I shall rejoin history and play my part in it. I have had a rich, full life. I regret nothing.”Bess strove to understand what Kate had said. Comprehension involved placing herself outside her common day to day existence, the only frame of reference she had ever known, and looking at life as one who did not really live. She thought it odd to want to be a part of her world, the toil, the uncertainty, and the inevitable doom of death, but if she tried very hard, she could vaguely perceive the alienation of which Kate spoke. She let that feeling sink in a bit, wondering what effect it might have on her. Nevertheless, a question still gnawed.
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