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We exchanged phone numbers and agreed to keep in touch and make plans.Since Dane lived some miles away he wanted to bring his bike on the train(He rode his bike to the train) As it happens I am notorious for running late so as I am getting out of the shower Dane calls to say that he is at the train station and will be at my apartment in 15 minutes, he gets there in five. Embarrassed I open the door in a T-shirt and boxers and invite him in apologizing for my state of dress. After giving the tour (It's a small place) Dane says "Well, finish getting dressed!" Now I'm really embarrassed and I'm starting to shake from nerves as I'm buckling my belt. Dane sees this and puts his hands on my shoulders and then puts his arms around me, I return the hug as it feels nice to be held. He asks me if I like movies and if I have a VCR. I ask him what kind of movies he likes to which he replies all kinds. Ambiguous. I tell him I don't have a VCR and ask what he brought with him. He tells me. He's sharp, smart, loyal. He pretends to be a shallow fratboy, but he's so much more. And he's the one who is there just as much as Ducky. For so long I pushed Tony away but he keep coming back without complaint. He kept caring and worrying. And yeah, loving me.I've known he loves me for a while now.It isn't just the sex. It was never just the sex. He makes me feel things—frustration, anger, affection, pride, lust, desire. Not only the negative emotions but some positive ones too. I feel alive.And I think it is time I let someone in again. It's him, Shannon. And I know you understand.I poured myself a small dribble of bourbon and sipped it slowly. I wasn't saying goodbye to my wife, but I was letting her know that things had changed for me. I had a lover upstairs, more than a lover. A friend, a companion who was turning into more.The man I love.And my place was with him, in bed beside him. No longer tormented by the what could have beens or what should have beens. Letting someone.
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