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If he's feeling better, we'll see him for dinner. There are also some startling developments that I can better explain to you in private." My mother seemed shocked and concerned when Dad mentioned my hospital stay, but when he used the phrase 'startling developments', my mother took a step backwards, looking at Dad rather than me. For my father to use that phrase, it had to be something startling. As a general rule, he tended to understate things rather than exaggerate them.I excused myself and went up to my room. Inside, I sat down on my bed and tried to make sense and order of the things I'd learned, and of the three women most responsible for my being alive, and for the twelve years I'd spent at St. Cecelia's. The woman, Anne Coulter, that I'd seen slumped over in a drunken stupor, had thrown me away like some unwanted garbage. Her mother seemed even more callous. And yet, and this was the part I was having trouble accepting, they were both a part of me. The blood that ran through. A servant came riding with news that you had been thrown by your horse and were desperately ill. I felt my heart break and I knew that we would never again dance as we had danced before. So many days flashed through my head as I rode as I had never ridden before or since. So many days of dancing and smiling and kissing. You, smiling down from the back of that great black beast you rode, bending for a kiss. You, dancing in the rain, naked as the day you were born, with that glorious hair flinging out in all directions, dusted with diamond drops. You, lying on the rug in front of the fire, the flickering flames bronzing your skin and making your brown eyes burn amber. Even now, flames make me think of your eyes, the volcano of passion that hides behind their mildness. I remember trying to hold on to the memories, the days, the moments slipping through my mind like grains of sand in a timer, a life slipping through my fingers with nothing I could do to stop it… nothing but… Oh it is.
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