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Please leave some for me,” he called out to them, then wondered why he was wasting his breath.After 25 minutes they emerged, wrapped in towels.“Skipper Mike there's something wrong with the water here. It's just run cold.”They vanished into his bedroom with their suitcases.“Ladies only in here for the next half hour.” Simone wagged a finger at him.As he continued his discussion with the coastguard Mike heard hair driers and excited comments.“Mum, you are so beautiful.”“Sarah, there really isn't very much of that dress.”“Mum, won't you be showing too much cleavage?”“Sarah, where are our thongs?”“You know you stole my last one this afternoon.”Mike finally finished with the coastguard. He had his cold shower and by the time he was finished his bedroom was empty. He looked outside. It was dark but the bonfire sent flames into the air. He could see two figures lying on a rug beside it holding hands.He dressed in his best trousers and shirt and went out to join them.The two figures stood. “What else?” continued the officer.The monkey pinched his fingers together, held them to his mouth and rolled his eyes.“They were smoking marijuana?”The monkey nodded.“Anything else?” asked the officer.The monkey mimed a kiss.“They were kissing too?”The monkey nodded his head.“So,” said the officer, “you’re saying they were drinking, smoking and kissing before they crashed the car?”The monkey nodded.“And what were you doing while all this was going on?”“Driving,” mimed the monkey.A couple were driving home late at night in the pouring rain when their car accidentally ran over a badger. They got out of the car to see whether it was still alive, and found that although it was very cold, the animal was still breathing. “What shall we do?” said the wife. “I know,” said the husband. “Put it between your legs to warm it up.” “But it’s all wet and it stinks!” “Well, cover the badger’s nose then!”A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some condoms. She asks, “What size.
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