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“No one’s forcing you to.”I was unsure whether to laugh, or to run and hide. “I’m going to go change out of this suit,” I managed.Lara took my hand. “Let me help.”“Oh, quit teasing all the time!” I cried out, exasperated.She looked at me in apparently genuine astonishment. “I was talking about helping you to the shore,” she explained patiently. “Like, if you wanted a hand for balance, because your hip is hurting.”I stared at her for a long moment. “Oh, sorry. But you’re always saying crazy shit, so I thought you meant something else.” The defensiveness in my tone disappeared. “I’m okay to walk,” I said, more calmly. I let go of her hand.“All right.”“I’ll see you back at the camp?”Lara smiled as she cast out the line. As I picked my way along the rocks, rubbing my pained hip on occasion, I heard a whoop from behind.“Yeah, yeah, six-two,” I groaned, not even turning to confirm the catch.I had a fire roaring when Lara returned from the river. After her quick catch, the water had grown. Her name is Nancy. She’s almost 40 and has three kids, 17, 11 and 8. She used to have a husband too, but doesn’t anymore. She says that she doesn’t miss him, and while I believe her after hearing the things he did to her, I suspect that she wishes she had his company every once in a while just the same. She’s lonely. I know the feeling, and we’re kindred spirits in that way. Even when we smile there’s something missing, like a movie set where you look behind the fake building front and there’s nothing there. Just a shell. Nancy is a shell and so am I. At least there’s hope for Nancy, where there’s no hope for me. Five years ago I was a football star in high school with the whole world in front of me. 6’4′ and 200 pounds of muscle, with rugged good looks and the good fortune of being hung like a horse, I had my pick of the girls and I did a lot of picking. That was then though, and this is now. I bombed out of college, and wasn’t good enough in football to overcome my lack of.
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