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Ahead of us the lights of Felixstowe Docks blazed, making it sometimes difficult to identify the lights of the buoys marking the fairway. It seemed to take a long time to get to the beginning of the container terminal wharf with its great cranes. A large Maersk Lines ship was unloading at the north end. I concentrated on trying to keep buoys in sight as they flashed and went dark for several seconds at a time. I was vaguely aware of being cold, and regretted not putting more layers on before we started.Birubi was moving quite nicely at perhaps two or three knots through the water, which was also flowing at perhaps another knot, as we passed Shotley Point, the Shotley Spit cardinal buoy flashing away. Birubi was, of course, fighting to cross the current from the Stour, which led to the first heart-stopping moment. The wind dropped just as we were passing upstream of the buoy marking the entrance to the Stour. We cleared it by barely ten feet ... not nearly enough for my happiness. But. As soon as the words left her mouth an uneasy feeling subsided over me for the next few days. What a terrible thing to think of much less decide. Many have to make decisions on rather or not to keep a child but few have the decision of rather or not to keep an unhealthy child. I admit I was young and scared I turned to my family for support. My mother being the kind and giving women that she is did not impede her opinion on to me like some other parents have done to their children in the past. She simply told me if I deiced to keep my child she would support us. As you know that is the most unselfish gift a mother could offer her child and unborn grand child who is sure to have health issues. My grandmother was alive at this time and being a most spiritual and understanding women I spoke with her of my concerns. I had several of course I wanted my child but would it be fare to bring him into the world knowing he would not be healthy. Could I really handle a child with special.
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