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I gained another tattoo.A huge warrior crept into camp when the moon was dim, seeking out his wife. She had escaped to us as he preferred to beat her for his pleasure. I was walking thru camp that night, enjoying the smells of the pine needles upon the ground. I heard the screams. I saw the fist rise and fall. I pushed off my staff and kicked him in the center of his back with a heel. as he fell I punched his throat, then watched him die. they tattooed my right hand red after that. I got another feather, too. My teacher said that I should have just cut his ankles and watched the tree fall. I said that in the heat I took my game. He shrugged and smiled. I smiled.We understood each other.It had to come. He weakened with the turning of the seasons. There was nothing I could do. We spoke of it and discussed his coming time.He thanked me for the distraction. I thanked him for his lessons and care. It was understood that we thanked each other for our love. I stayed with him until the end.. Watching them together was a rush too, but I hated it. I hated myself.” “You have taken a huge step today Jeff. I can’t tell you how many of my patients take months of therapy to get where you are right now.” “Really? I don’t understand what you’re talking about or even where I am right now.” “Jeff, I think that men have a difficult time opening up to mental health professionals because they fundamentally have a tough time making themselves vulnerable. Because you and I already have an intimacy between us you are able to speak more freely with me. As an ethical matter, I could never actually counsel you because we have been intimate but I can help you through some of this as a friend.” “But, where is it that you think I am right now?” “Let it sink in for a minute Jeff. What were you telling me just a minute ago?” “I was telling you about feeling excited but then resentful.” “Doesn’t it make sense that your wife may have felt the same way, excited but then used and resentful?.
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