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Lucy stepped back from the window and watched a rusty old pick-up truck pull up outside. The bell gave a second ring. Lucy waited in the hall and willed herself to get to twenty before answering. Six, seven, eight, she pulled the door open at nine. “ Oh, goodness!” Lucy raised her eyebrows. “Is it that time already?” “ Hello. I should take these off?” Lucy, head spinning, gazed at the figure on her doorstep and wished she hadn't been so liberal with the wine. The man pointed to his feet. Her eyes travelled down the length of his body and rested on his mud-clodded boots. “ Oh, no. That's all right. Come through, Johan.” “ Jöran.” “ Yes, well. We'll go to the garden first.” He followed her down the hall, across the lounge, through the conservatory and out to the back garden, leaving a trail of mud footprints across the polished floors and deep-pile carpet. While he measured the space for her new tree, Lucy went to perch on the garden table. After a couple of failed attempts,. What were the results of this erroneous belief? Josh asked.I had a difficult time... no, that's waffling, and Gloria wouldn't let me hedge anything. I couldn't maintain a relationship, Josh, sexual or otherwise. Sexually, I was frigid. I don't think I had more than ten orgasms from the age of twelve when my parents died until I met you, and those orgasms happened during my early teen years from masturbating. I not only suppressed my memories of what my parents did to me, I also suppressed my sexual urges and responses.Do you think you've reconnected with and repaired your past?I've reconnected with my past. Repaired it? No. Some repairs have been made, but I'm not cured, Josh. Still, I think I can join the living now. Will I repair my past? I don't know. Some of it is repairable, other parts - fuck it, I say. Let it lay.I could feel her grin. I was proud of her.What about your lost years? Josh asked.Lost years?Yes, those years when you couldn't maintain personal relationships, even.
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