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We had served them. We were now litter upon the desert´s dusty face. We do not matter. But we matter to us. We are still alive. The four men have had their sport. It pleases them to leave us hanging by our thumbs in agony. Their maleness is thus proclaimed. We will remember them! Terry and I realize we may remember them all our lives. Our lives may be close to an end. How long can a naked girl live, hanging by her thumbs? A couple of days…..? As usual in torture, time does not exist. We do not know the hours by which we die. We hang, limp, helpless, in great pain. We do not struggle or strive to escape our fate. We are too utterly lost. Too totally delivered to pain and eventual death. The four are probably laughing at their final joke as they jolt across the desert road. They used us. We will remember them by the loops upon our thumbs. The hours pass slowly, but they pass. The darkness comes and goes. We do not sl**p. I suppose it is u*********sness. Nature is kind. But we may. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her, or even love her. He just didn’t feel he had anything left to offer to a woman. Try to imagine Hugh as Eleanor saw him. He is tall with a slight stoop. His fair hair is always just not quite perfectly groomed. He walks his dogs for miles each day, sometimes returning with just a hint of a limp. He can dance better than most men Eleanor knows, but not all evening. Despite his own opinion that he is a wreck, she thinks he is a fitter man than many of the younger men who didn’t go to war. He is certainly a better man than most of those left of his generation.’ As Martha continued to talk, I could see Hugh as if I was Eleanor. I could feel my frustration that the man I want cannot see me as a potential partner. I would do anything to get Hugh to feel alive again, to be responsive. I, as Eleanor, went to see his sister Madeline, not for the first time, to continue our work as co-conspirators against Hugh’s studied indifference. Everything we had tried.
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