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No, I say to myself, I can do this. I lift my head imperiously and knock.There is a brief moment of silence and then the tumbler drops and the door is pulled wide. It is odd to see him this way before me. With no filter of window and distance, he does not have the mysterious larger than life sheen surrounding him. Yet, I sense a dangerousness about him that both scares and captivates me. His right hand is tucked awkwardly into the front of his trench coat and he is smiling wolfishly. He cocks his head to the side, raising an eyebrow, waiting for me."Ummm, hi, I'm..." I manage to say before half choking on the sucker which I had neglected to remove from my mouth. Spluttering, I can feel myself turning all shades of red."Nervous?" he asks, his voice full of concern but obviously edged with sarcasm. I nod my head dumbly, trying to smile back despite my embarassment."It's ok, I understand, why don't you come in?" he says, stepping aside to allow me access inside.I scurry into the room,. Around my 18th birthday when she was 37 a change seemed to come over her. She began to see the world differently as if her mind was beginning to untwist. "I've lived the best of my life and now there's nothing for me to look forward to," she told me once.In her diary which I read years later she explained: "I am haunted by the vision of myself at age 18, with such hopes and dreams for the future, a girl who never met the young prince she wanted. And now I never shall." At her family's urging she had married a gentleman over twenty years her senior and for no better reason than that he owned this large house and grounds on the Viking Point promontory. When she took up married life she "left her soul behind her."By reason of her frigidity, on the rare occasions when my father enjoyed sex with her, if it could be called that, she was unable to respond. Sex was dirty, and the female resigned herself to it, closed her eyes and thought of England. My father died after two years of.
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