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..Then I wake up, crying.I dont know what to do about this.I dont know who I can talk to.I know dreams aren't real, but it comes from somewhere, but where?And its not just the dream. Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror, andI look .... wrong, somehow. I look and I half-expect to see the girl frommy dream looking back at me.And the fact she doesn't is a grief I cant even begin to describe ....I've got to pull myself together, shake this off somehow.I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but who?My dad is a man's man, he's counting on me to follow in his footsteps. Goto collage, be the Big Man on Campus, marry a girl just like mom, he'dnever understand.And Tammy's counting on being the girl in that picture, I can tell this inthe way she talks about our future. And yet the more time I spend withher, the more I envy her more than I desire to be with her. She'd neverwant anything more to do with me if I told her.And then there's Dave. We've been friends forever, but if I told. Jollis finished dressing and sat upon the edge of his bed. He was not confident he could reach a proper meditative state. Events were affecting him far more deeply than he would admit, as he could be nothing less than a pillar of strength until it was over. But Rolas' question haunted him. Just what would he do?Inonni law provided little for dealing with such problems among their own kind, as many such matters were left to common sense. A higher power was always available to intervene, dispense advice, arbitrate, weigh evidence, and offer fair judgment. But the only higher power was the Holy Order. If the Mage Master were indeed committing acts so antithetical to Inonni Enlightenment, his only recourse was Elder Yurton.The thought filled him with a sense of dread, but not from the simple anxiety of being scrutinized and judged by the Elder. Such things Jollis could set aside. This reached further, as if covering some horrible truth which he did not want to see.Jollis sighed. Sometimes.
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