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Not only were you honoured to be at one of Brenda's parties, you were stoned. There was enough grass burning in that house that you would need your own air tank to avoid it. Often, someone would bring plenty of acid and there might be other drugs. Never heroin; as far as I know, heroin was never allowed at Brenda's. There was always a little alcohol, but many of her friends did not drink.On the day of the party Candy and Brenda and a couple of friends were cooking, cupcakes, cookies, candies, and other Alice B Toklas inspired goodies as well as healthy savoury snacks. I, of course, was never allowed in the kitchen during cooking, only to help serve or clean up. I had long since earned a reputation as the girl who could not cook.My job was in the living room, rolling joints, a task I am superb at to this day. Every now and then I would take a couple of lit ones to the kitchen crew to ensure they mostly left the food and ingredients alone.At this point my memory becomes blurred. I know. A gentle smirk appeared on her face. As usual, no one noticed, especially not him. They’d had the talk, they had already determined the continuation of their ‘just friends’ status. She recognized that the chance of her desire playing out was slim. It was a harsh realization, but a true one. Even, by small miracle, they shared a night of physical passion, it would become nothing. That was the hardest thought of all. Out of everything that she had wanted in her life, the two things she wanted most would probably never come to fruition: his sons. She was aware of the seriousness of her want, how a twenty-year-old should not hope for such things. Yet the thought of taking his seed into her and creating life with him sent her mind into a tailspin hurricane of emotion. Nobody — not him, not even her best friends — knew how deeply her feelings for him dwelt. They coiled in her core, a writhing nest of disappointment crying out for his touch, screaming a silent scream in vain. he could not.
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