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The painful desires of youth, wanting the unattainable, the fragile light of love bursting into life but so easily extinguished by life’s rough winds. Graham wondered if he was projecting too much of himself on the stiff and awkward stranger craning to follow the progress of the youth below. Jesse sat down on the very edge of Graham’s vision. He was almost cut off by the heavy railing, but not quite, the curve of heavy oak pews on the sanctuary floor gave Graham a view of the youth’s neatly trimmed hair. The youth nearby had a better, though equally discrete, view. Graham decided Jesse must have been the object of his neighbour’s search when he came in at the beginning of the service. He had certainly picked the right spot to view the teenager. Despite their location in the balcony, Jesse might have been conscious of his audience. From time to time he would turn his head toward the youth in the balcony. Jesse sat on the aisle fidgeting beside two younger siblings. His composure had. Otherwise I would have asked. And you wouldn’t have slept on the couch, either.”A look of surprise overtook my face. “But ... what about ... I thought you didn’t...” I was perplexed by my hesitation and shyness, wondering why I was having so much trouble verbalizing this to someone to whom I had confessed my feelings just hours earlier.She looked away for a moment and sighed. “It’s hard to explain. Mostly what it is ... I don’t want to get used for sex anymore. I mean, you wouldn’t have recognized me two years ago, I don’t think. I was on telephone chat lines, in online chat rooms, talking to pretty much every guy who came along. I would tell them my name, and within about five minutes they were asking me everything from my cup size to whether I’m shaved to whether I would send them nude selfies. And usually, before the night was over, we’d meet and be in bed together.”“And that has been the way it was for me for a good chunk of my life because even back in high school, that’s what I.
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