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To haveto lie back and think of England whist unspeakable acts of degradationare committed on my body. Sex without guilt or responsibility. Tosubmit. And what more submissive image is there than that of the FrenchMaid. I have the overwhelming desire to be raped by a domineering womanwhilst serving as her Maid, to experience total submission, freedom fromfeelings of guilt and responsibility. This is a bizarre and dangerousthing to desire but despite attempts to face it, like two years in aMonastery in Scotland, I felt the whole thing was too disturbing, so Itried to ignore it and get on with my life. It was a pretty lonelyexistence but I was used to that. I had occasional lapses and over theyears, I had acquired a small wardrobe of maid's clothes. I wouldoccasionally dress-up in these but never let anybody see. I became quitea competent seamstress as walking into a shop and buying a maids outfitwould have been too embarrassing for words.I wanted to look inside the shop but my natural. The house was dark and I left the lights out. I didn't need them, I could see in the dark and I knew I was alone on the bottom floor of my own house. I heard muffled voices coming from upstairs and sought their source.Outside our bedroom I stopped and listened with very keen ears, to the voices coming from inside. My wife was talking with a man about insurance claims, and that I had a dangerous job. The man was having doubts that an intruder killing me as payback for his arrest would be believed.I felt myself changing in response to my anger and the threat of danger. I experienced the euphoric state of being out of my body and watched myself change into a beast. I was aware of danger and that a natural instinct for survival had taken over. The beast would live if nobody else did.My wife was confidant that she could do the killing if the stranger wasn't man enough. I felt the man's pride being crushed even in my unsympathetic state. He agreed to kill me and she agreed to share the.
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