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"What's the bad news?", asks Lyle."The bad noos is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena." Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Lyle. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."This one is compliments of RabbiRabbit1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.2. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did.She's 25, and her name's Candy.3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50.It completely spoiled our 10th. He sniffed it, and it smelled strangely sweet and musky, almost familiar. He went to the den and added a few drops of whisky and some white creme de menthe, smelling it and mixing in different liquors until he was satisfied that the result didn't smell like anything he recognized. Then he returned upstairs to his bedroom and wired the ON/OFF switch for the Device into the straps of his knapsack. He put his hand next to the coil and switched it on. He felt the familiar tingle at the base of his neck.Sandy waited. One pulse. Two pulses. Three pulses. Right on time. Then he closed the knapsack and walked into his sister's room. He stood by the door thinking, making sure he had his scenario straight."Can I talk to you a minute?" he asked."Sure," she said, demurely gathering her long legs under herself as she sat up on the bed. Sandy felt his heart pound as he thought about what he was about to try. "What's up?" I wanted to talk to you about hormones. And perfume." Okay," she said,.
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