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. I am not a gayman. But Lori opened me up to thinking about the difference between astraight man and a lesbian. And opened me up to exploring that -emotionally... physically." And you liked it," Cathleen asked?"Like I said, I didn't start here but each step of the way as my mindopened..." John paused. "Yes, I enjoyed where I was going."They looked at each other in the mirror. Cathleen finally spoke. "Butis this what you want? Is this where you really want to go?" For all of our relationship, Cath, you have been acting as somethingthat you aren't - trying to be a straight woman. When you went to thespa and opened up, it took you to your truth - you are a lesbian. Whathappened to me is the same. And as I opened up, I really enjoyed theexperiences. Knowing what it feels like for you to be licked andsucked. Knowing what a female orgasm feels like for you. It's all Iwanted to give you. And once I started to experience those thingsmyself, I was absolutely drawn to them. I. Financially we did well. We lived within our means but our home life sucked. For over five years I did the part-time stints. Our marriage grew further and further apart. It was either me being home or the money. Bev stopped arguing with me because if I quit the jobs she couldn't have some of the luxuries to which she had become accustomed. I was lucky if we had sex once a month. Other than shooting my rocks off, I felt no love from Bev. Maybe I wasn't giving any love either but I guess maybe I didn't see it that way at the time.In my career as a cop, I'm not going to say I didn't get a little on the side now and then. It did happen. Whenever I got home and my wife wanted nothing to do with me, I usually got pissed off, got back in my car, went to the local watering hole and sometimes found someone as lonely as me. The first couple of times I really felt bad about it. But after awhile it was just a fuck, a way to release the pressures a cop deals with. I knew I wouldn't get any at.
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