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Enough with the mistletoe.’ Instead of having your fingers bitten off and spending your Christmas at the emergency ward and recovering during the holidays from reconstructive surgery, imagine your Pit Bull enjoying it when you dressed him up with antlers to take his photo. ‘Good dog. Smile Killer. Now, let’s get the Santa suit on you.’ Instead of getting falling down drunk, imagine refusing alcohol during the holidays? ‘No thank you, I’ve had quite enough to drink. One beer is more than enough for me.’ Instead of crashing your car and being arrested for DWI with that transvestite hooker, again, imagine not needing a designated driver, after attending the company Christmas party. ‘That apple cider eggnog was delicious. Now that I see you in the bright light, I don’t think you’re a woman. Sorry, but I’m rescinding my offer to drive you home. I’ll give you cab fare, instead, Mister. You do have great tits, though.’ Instead of having to ply her with drinks to get her drunk and being. You'd never get out." That's the plan," Simon, who was standing a few feet from Vinnie, his hands thrust deep into his pockets, replied."What? Simon, you can't be serious." Oh, I'm serious, you bastard. In fact, never more so."Vinnie started to move away from the edge of the sunken tank."You couldn't leave her alone, could you?" spat Simon, scowling. "You said you were my friend, but no, you just had to take her away from me, didn't you?" Simon," Vinnie gasped. "I didn't take her. She dumped you ages ago, remember?" Yeah, well, friends don't go out with their friend's ex-girlfriends." Look, mate. This is stupid. You weren't going out with her, she likes me and I like her. Get over it." We were going to make up; just like we always have." Not this time." You don't know that," said Simon accusingly. "Now I have to do something about it." Have to? What do you mean have to?" asked Vinnie. "There's nothing to do. She's with me now and nothing you do's going to change that." Oh, I can.
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