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His voice showed his concern, and his confusion."I didn't tell anyone," Barbara said quietly. "Not Mom or Dad either... I would only call them at night when everything was quiet in the hospital ward. When I went home, it was easy to pretend I just needed time to myself. All I wanted to do was sleep. I couldn't eat. I lost twenty pounds... you said yourself I looked like I was starving when you got back." Why?" Steve demanded. "Why did you hide it from me? Why did you keep something that important to both of us from me?"Barbara opened her mouth... but no words came. She suddenly knew she had no reply. She didn't know why she had kept her loss a secret."I don't know," she said woodenly. "I don't know." Without warning, tears welled up and streaked down her face."Oh, God," she sobbed. "I lost my baby... I lost my baby."Steve reflexively turned his body toward his wife. He almost left his seat to take her in his arms. At the last moment, he remembered. He remembered all the other excuses. "I understand," Angique replied."You don't." There was desperation in the words."I scared you," Angique went on, hugging the girl tighter. "I should not have punished you this hard. I was frustrated and..." No!" Alicia insisted, louder now. "It's not you — it's me I am scared of." Angique pushed her head forward, trying to catch Alicia's eyes, but she looked away."I... ," Alicia went on, "I am scared how much I need you. I am scared how gladly I accept your punishment, how my body aches for the way you use it. I feel ... needed and I've never felt anything like that. Nobody ever needed me and it feels ... incredible. I know I never want to lose that feeling, even if I don't deserve it. It feels like ... happiness. But of course it won't last. I'll lose my confidence. I always do, and I'll be ... lost in the process. I am a loser, you know. I lose things. Your needing me scares me; I can't believe you do — that anyone does. It confuses me."Angique kept rocking her as she licked the.
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