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It seemed that hugging didn’t quite come as naturally to me as it had done in my childhood. After holding me close for just a short moment she walked towards the door and opened it for me. ‘Ok, it’s time for you to walk one short block to that exhibition. Be free, and find something you would like to do for yourself. If there’s a class that you’d like to take I can easily switch your scheduled time so you can fit it into your secret, free hour. Anything, at any time!’ I removed the robe I was wearing to protect my clothes, straightened my short sleeved dress and took first one hesitant step towards freedom, then another and another until I stood outdoors on a small side-street. A smile tickled the corners of my mouth as I felt something blossoming inside my chest, the almost completely forgotten feeling of hope. – – – – – I walked around the exhibition area, trying to keep under the radar, to not get pulled in by the sales people – which, despite being dressed slightly different. She always felt safe with her husband. She knew that sex with someone else would be outside of her comfort zone. She was lucky enough to have found you, and you keep taking her so far out of her comfort zone that it scares the daylights out of her. Do you know why she lets you take her there? She knows deep down that she is still safe when you are there." "I have never felt safe like that. Sex was fear and hurt and I had to run away to get away. And the first time I tried to get past my fears, he said those words and it all came back, and I screamed like a banshee and split his lip and I had to run again." "I trust you, and I want you to take me and show me pleasure without fear. Please? And you probably know the favor I want. Promise me you won't ever say those words. Promise me you won't say 'Hold still and don't make a sound.'" "Of course! I promise I will never say that. I give you permission to kick me in the shin if I say something even close to that. But I'm not sure that.
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