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I'm going to run down the list of your injuries, so just listen."The doctor opened the chart he had taken from the wall and began to read:1) Broken jaw (in three places),2) Broken right eye socket,3) Damaged right eyeball,4) Shattered eardrum,5) Six broken ribs,6) Severely bruised genitals,7) One testicle ruptured and infected,8) Right knee cap crushed,9) Bruised left eye,10) Various abrasions and bruises.The doctor put the chart down and said, "Sam, I've got to be honest with you, your rehab will be very long and very painful. You will never see out of your right eye again. The broken socket splintered a small piece of bone that cut through the nerves at the back of the eyeball. You'll never hear out of that damaged ear. You'll probably lose one testicle."He stopped because he saw the tears running from my good eye. "Hang on there, guy. I have one more piece of bad news. Your knee will never heal properly. With rehab we can get you walking again, but for at least a year you will. ”Mr Bennet staggered drunkenly into the breakfast room after a break fast of Rum and Porter in roughly equal proportions. “Oh don’t be so reticent dear, One can not have sentiments where marriage is concerned, let the Gentleman sample the merchandise.”Eliza fumed, “He desires to sample me not wed me.”“Indeed I do not,” Mr D’arcy sighed, “I merely wish to shoot your Peasants, I mean Pheasants.”“Then why have you a trouser bulge Mr D’arcy?” Mr Bennet observed.“Father!” Miss Eliza declared, “Do you really expect me to conjoin with Mr D’arcy without a promise?”“Oh really Mr Bennet,” Mrs Bennet declaimed, “Would you let just any Gentleman sample your daughter without a promise.”“Actually,” Eliza observed, “Now you mention it his trouser bulge looks most promising.”“Come on man, make a promise,” Mr Bennet ordered.“Very well, ten guineas and ten more if she pleases me,” Mr D’arcy offered.“Done,” Mr Bennet agreed delightedly, “Ring my bookmaker forthwith.”“Father the Telephonograph has yet to.
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