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My mother was quite voluptuous but she could never compete with the natural beauty and curvy-ness of the black women. She held my hand as I just lay there."If you tell me what happened, I may be able to help you guys."I looked at her and then looked away. "Please baby!" she begged me again. "Let mama help you!"I picked up the remote silently and turned the blackmail DVD on.For next few minutes we sat in silence as my mother stared at the screen while tears streamed down my closed eyes as I heard myself professing my love to a black women old enough to be my mother.I picked up the remote again but she grabbed my hand."No. I want to watch."I opened my eyes and looked at her angel face through the tears. She was looking at the screen, her aged, 50 year old face showing a few wrinkles behind the heavy makeup she had on - no doubt for a party she was supposed to go to.My mother is a socialite. She volunteers to support homeless and needy people and organizes dinners and parties for. Call me a coward but dealing with one woman was a handful. Dealing with two at once was like wrestling with a pissed off longhorn.So ignoring that, I started, "I think I was asking why you were here?"She had the grace to look away for a minute, then turned back and said, "Do you remember the song by Ral Donner, "You Don't Know What You've Got?"Here she sang gently, very quiet, with the same melodious voice she had always had:You don't know what you've got until you lose itYou gave me you-your love but I abused it... 'cause I know now I acted in a foolish way"I always wanted to be a famous writer and I saw what I was convinced was the best chance I'd ever had for fame. And the two novels I wrote really did sell well and got very nice reviews."She looked at me and I nodded that yes, I had received the signed first editions she had sent me. In fact they were damn good."But, Chuck, for six months now I haven't been able to write anything. I don't feel creative... I just feel empty."Now I.
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