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Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful, ' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them ... You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued. God, but she looked good! How she snuck out past her mother was questionable at best. She had on jeans that looked like they had been painted on, black pumps with at least a two inch heel, and a bright red long sleeved knit top that zipped up the front and had a tiny built in hood down the back, and that top was so tight and thin you could count her freckles, if she had any. Conversation simply stopped as she sauntered down the hall. She came up to me and wrapped her arms around me and kissed me hard on the lips.I have to admit I was smiling a cat-with-a-canary-dinner smile after I came up for air. Ray looked disgusted. “So, the date went well?” he asked.“Well, I certainly thought so, but you might want to ask Jeana?” I replied. Jeana blushed and gave me a hug. I looked down at her and asked, “This weekend, maybe a movie and something to eat afterwards?”Ray groaned as I drove in the knife. “Buckman, there’s a petition going around asking for volunteers for your asskicking, and I am.
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