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I would wake up in the night and punch the floor in anguish, homoerotic fear and shame… I killed him a thousand times over in my mind…. His form extinguished by the hood of my car raging into him outside of his jock club, the mma fighting club where I’d first gotten homoerotic thoughts about him. I held it back and back and back… until one day, I thrust my index finger into my rectum and imagined myself dominated by all those who had flaunted their large male members. Even then, though, my killing thoughts lingered. I swore when I went off to college I would come back and kill him in the evening hours, my trusty green car battering the life out of him as I spun my tires away back to Maryland, awaiting a call that my friend had been killed, by a stranger no less. But I didn’t. I stayed my killing hand. I turned my thoughts to homosexual images of buff, bulging men muscles, glittering in tan, surreal Apollo rooms, while I shut myself in my college dormroom. That night, that first. Like it?’ ‘It’s really good. Your mom seems cool.’ ‘That’s pretty close to what she said about you.’ ‘Really? I passed the mom evaluation already?’ ‘The last girl I brought to a party turned out to be a stripper with a substance abuse problem. I’m sure seeing me with a sophisticated woman like you was a big relief.’ Karen stared. ‘You have got to be kidding me!’ ‘What, you don’t consider yourself sophisticated?’ ‘No, stupid, about the last party. You telling me that before me you were into strippers?’ Oops. ‘Look, I didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late! She seemed perfectly normal when I met her!’ She gave me a dirty look. ‘You better start from the beginning.’ So I told her the first half of the Brandi saga. I figured I was on thin enough ice without mentioning the pregnancy scare. By the end she was howling with laughter. ‘I can just imagine the look on your mom’s face with your date hanging from the light pole by her ankles!’ ‘I still have nightmares about it!’.
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