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I got so used to being Trina that I would have toremember being Jason when Melissa came home and lower my voice. Mylittle alter ego went on for quite some time before I felt something wasmissing. Melissa would go beserk if I brought up my new hobby to her butI was also getting settled in being Trina and losing the spark thataccompanied me dressing up. The routine was the problem. I needed someother type of outlet.We bought a computer and I would surf the net for hours after I cleanedthe house. The TV, transsexual, crossdresser sights caught my eye and Ithen was obsessed with going on line every day to see new girls, chatwith others and get off watching movies and looking at pictures. I woulddress quickly in the morning, do my chores very fast and then spend mostof the day surfing. It was a new thrill that seemed to satisfy me fornow. Purchasing some things I needed for Trina was easy and I now hadall the basics for myself including hip pads, breast forms, bras, gaffs,corsets and all. ‘Yeah, right!’ ‘Bull shit’ ‘Way out of your league you loser.’ The funny thing is, I didn’t want to go out at all. I had sworn off women after a nightmare of a break-up with a woman who really made me consider, for the first time in my life, whether or not life was worth continuing. I wasn’t suicidal or anything, but I had decided that I was destined to be either alone or in a miserable relationship, the only two choices I had experience with so far. Of those two choices I had decided that I would be happier alone and to just exist and chill instead of striving to have…ya know…the house, family, career thing. Good friends will do that for you though, they will drag you out into the world and convince you that you have worth, despite what you have been told. I’m being literal here. They came to my rented room, dumped my hung-over ass out of my bed onto the floor and threatened to drag me to the bar in my boxers if I didn’t get dressed. Apparently if you promise an Irish friend that.
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