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She was a most congenial companion. I learned that she was a manager in a largish shop in Leicester, and divorced. “Just didn’t work out,” she said easily, “we were straight out of school and immature. Happily we’d never had kids and, when I found out he was messing around, well, we divorced as amicably as is possible. I see him around. I kept the flat we were renting, and eventually bought it. He moved in with the girlfriend, though that didn’t last long either. How about you?”“Never got close,” I shrugged. “I’m kind of a nerd, you know. I get nervous talking to a pretty woman.”“You’re talking to me. Does that mean I’m not pretty?” She smiled to indicate she was joking.“Oh, no. You’re lovely. But if you hadn’t spoken to me, about something I’m interested in, I could never have made the first move.” She didn’t say anything to that, but looked receptive, so I went on, “I don’t know why, but it’s really easy to talk to you. I mean, I know we’ve mostly been talking about aeroplanes and. Whats your name?”“Penis Van Lesbian, Sir.”“Excuse me? What did you say?”“Penis Van Lesbian”“You CAN’T have a name like THAT in show business.” The agent replied.“Penis Van Lesbian is a long respected name where I come from, and I will NOT change it!” As he stormed out the door in a huff.The agent soon forgot the would be actor and went on about his business. 20 years later, he recieved an envelope in the mail, containing $10,000 and a note...The note said,“Dear Sir,A long time ago you gave me some advice, and to my shame I walked out on you. I soon learned that you were right, and I changed my name and actually became fairly successful.I regret not taking your advice when offered. Since it worked well enough, I have enclosed what I believe would have been your commission.Sincerely,Wait for it...Dick Van DykeThree Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, “However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven.”The first guy comes up.
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